How to Overcome Childhood Shyness

Shyness does not have a standardized definition in the dictionary and cannot be defined by one or two words. Bashful, frightened, timid are just a few. Most definitions incorporate feeling uncomfortable in social situations. The simple act of recognizing and understanding a child’s feelings can create an environment that feels safe or safer to a shy child.

Fifty percent of the adult population in the United States is shy. Most people are embarrassed by their shyness and keep it hidden. They somehow believe they are different than everyone else. Incorporating the following tips will go a long way to help bring a shy child out of their shell.

*Portray shyness in a positive light: Compare your shy child to other shy children who have grown up to be successful adults. For instance: Abraham Lincoln was extremely shy as a boy and was afraid of girls. Even movie stars like Tom Hanks were painfully shy. Explain that shy people can be more courageous than the average person. It takes more energy for a shy person to do the same things an outgoing person can do.

*Keep communication lines open on a daily basis: A shy child will feel closer to the family. All it takes is a smile, comment or even a question to make a big difference. The key is not to make your child feel singled out and different from other kids.

*Encourage a shy child to join an extra curricular activity group: Shy children need to feel like they are contributing to a cause and they need a reason to interact with other kids their own age.

*Compliment them on their accomplishments publicly: Most shy children crave attention but shun it at the same time. This is why it is important to be careful when drawing attention to them. The hit and run approach works best. Don’t give them the time to struggle or respond. “Great sweater. I really like it. What can I do for you?” Move forward and know that you did a good thing.

*Reward small improvements: Most shy children blossom when challenges are broken into manageable chunks. It’s their anxiety that gets in the way of their development, not their intelligence. Many shy children learn to overcome their fears when it is made clear that failing is part of learning.

When shyness goes unnoticed or rectified, it can have a distressing influence on an adult child’s life. It is possible for shy children to become introverted adults and miss out on many opportunities in life because no one ever demonstrated that shyness can be overcome.

“The way to overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.” Claudia “Lady Bird” Johnson.

For more on this topic you can read Dr. Bernado Carducci’s The Shyness Breakthrough. Dr. Carducci states that the cause of childhood shyness is not genetic. For another resource about communication go read Theresa Schultz's article How to Listen to Your Kids at Stress-Free Parent blog.

Write it down,

Carma

Must Have Books for the Intelligent Writer

It is rare when a writer uses the dictionary to find a correct spelling when pressing the F7 key will find it faster than it takes to turn a page. Instead of depending on the mechanical brain, depend on this list of books which will add to any office repertoire while enhancing the overall quality of writing.

The Elements of Style, (Strunk and White) Do you scuffle with which and that as I do? Sometimes you need to go “which” hunting as Strunk and White so cleverly articulate. That is the defining pronoun and Which is the nondefining pronoun.

“The lawnmower that is broken is in the garage." (Tells which one.)
“The lawnmower, which is broken, is in the garage." (Adds a fact about the only mower in question.)

The International Thesaurus of Quotations is a quotation book arranged by ideas and with many different proverbs to match meaning and sense. For those of you who like to use quotes in your writing you will find this book relevant and fascinating.

Writing: "He that writes to himself writes to an eternal public." Emerson, "Spiritual Laws," Essays: First Series (1841)

"I myself, I am not a character in this novel; I am the novel." Philip K. Dick, A Scanner Darkly (1977)

The Chicago Manual of Style. An essential reference of words, technology, guidance for editing electronic sources for all writers. (there may be a version online) I must admit I have used this book the least and while perusing through for this post I realized I have been missing some key points on writing.

A verb is the most essential part of speech and the only one that can express a thought by itself, in a complete grammatical sentence (with the subject understood)

Run!

Enjoy!

Think!

The Synonym Finder, J.I. Rodale. Often one will find oneself trying to think of an exact word and instead of right clicking on a word within your word document and scrolling down to synonyms, try looking up the word in The Synonym Finder. This book cuts down on using the same word too repetitively, incessantly, ceaselessly or boringly.

A couple of equally important books are the most current issue of the Writer’s Market and 1001 Ways to Market Your Books. Who knew that writing would include all this reading?

Write it down,

Carma

Book Review: Good Masters! Sweet Ladies!

It is Children's Book Review week at The National Writing for Children Center this week. My review of Good Masters! Sweet Ladies! is the first review of the week. Surf on over to read and leave a comment.

Good Masters! Sweet Ladies! is the Newbery Medal winner for 2008. One thing strikes me in this medieval historical fiction of individual monologues and that is the characters do not speak of their poverty with any resentment. Like many children they are cheerful and show moments of daring acts. Each character attribute is written in a matter-of-fact-that-is-just-the-way-it-is manner. Kids are just trying to figure out what their position is within the Lord’s Manor.

Write it down,

Carma

Do You Write for Reluctant Readers?

I have not always loved to read. When I was in the fifth grade I distinctly remember hating to write book reports because I would have to read. However, fifth grade was also a pivotal year because I read a book all the way to the end. Before that crucial moment all of my book reports were based on jacket flaps. I can’t remember the author or the name of the book that piqued my interest in reading but I do remember it was about a girl my age who knew how I felt and liked what I liked. The author did a wonderful job leading a reluctant reader down a path of adventure.

Fast forward to 2008. Young reluctant readers (also known as Hi/Lo readers) are on the rise and there is a great need for authors to write in this unique genre. Reluctant readers read both fiction and non-fiction. According to Elizabeth Kennedy of About.com in her article of Resources for Reluctant Readers there are several different types of reluctant readers according to the experts.

*Children who are intelligent and interested but don’t read well.
*Children who have no interest and are at risk of failing.
*Children who deal with specific learning problems.
*A child who reads well but has little interest.

Are you a writer who would like to help this type of reader? I found a helpful article by Lori Jameson and Paul Kropp on Reading Rockets: Hooking Struggling Readers. Writers of controlled-readability materials must be aware that the interest of a book must be held all the way through. Authors of regular novels can spend more time describing characters, scenery and background but an author of a Hi/Lo book has to keep the plot spinning to keep a reluctant reader’s attention.

To find out the science behind books for reluctant readers and free materials for teachers and parents go to H-I-P (High Interest Publishing) and visit Lori Jameson and Paul Kropp at HIP-Books. This information is a great start on researching how to write for reluctant readers of all ages.

An author needs to make the reader care what happens to the characters. Making connections from one's own experience to the text is an important reading strategy and a basic literacy skill. It is a challenge but that is what writing is about. Creating and challenging. If you can help a child relate to experiences in a book they may be able to stretch their reading curve up a grade level or two.

Write it down,

Carma

Write As If You Were Dying

“Write as if you were dying. At the same time, assume you write for an audience consisting solely of terminal patients. That is, after all, the case. What would you begin writing if you knew you would die soon? What could you say to a dying person that would not enrage by its triviality?” (Annie Dillard)

Dillard says every book has an inherent impossibility, which is what a writer will notice as soon as the excitement for the project begins to dwindle. You write in spite of it. You have an idea, a plot, THE story, it has come to you on wings with your name on it, maybe just one line at a time but it is there nonetheless. I love Dillard’s words, “It’s like something you memorized once, and forgot.”

What do you write? Complex stories, poems, articles, essays? They all have the same difficulty as does a long novel. But do you think it is better to throw yourself into a bunch of little projects or should you exhaust your energy into one big book? Dillard says you should spend it all in one long project.

What do you think?

You know the saying “use it or lose it”. Creativity should not be bottled up or saved for another time. Ideas are saved and planned but when the words begin to flow don’t try to stop it. Give everything you have. Don’t lock it up. Write about winter in the summer.

Remember the last time a line or a few words were delivered to you magically, or so it seemed, and your fingers went flying over the keys. You couldn’t stop until you had spent all that you had received. This is the experience I am talking about. You are sitting at the keyboard or writing pad. Tapping your toe; thinking; “I wonder if Diane is going to call me.” Your mind is wandering from one place to the next like the balls in a lotto drum going round and round and never landing. You never see the words coming until they are in your face. You write till you drop.

Further, as writers we are also readers, so what do you look for in a writer? Are you looking for wisdom or courage? Why else do you read? I must admit I read for knowledge and entertainment. I am always inspired by other people’s words.

If you would like to learn more about Annie Dillard and her books check out this NY Times website.

Write it down,

Carma

I've Been Searchin' Ever Which Way

Who said “The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance?”

The only way to find out is to research. It doesn’t matter if you are writing fiction, non-fiction, for children, teens or adults; some one will ask you “How do you know?” (Gee no pressure here)

How does one create under this veil? Author Eve Bunting recommends “Be your self. That is the only way you can be anyhow…” Bunting has sold 167 books for young people. She advises: “Love the subject before you write about it. You won’t work up to your potential if you don’t.”

Do you know who said this yet?

“The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.”

I’m not telling you. Go research it and come back here to tell me.

A Few Pitfalls of Research

Avoid Lists of Facts Masquerading as an Article. Have you ever been told by an editor that they don’t want encyclopedia articles or more recently wikipedia articles? An encyclopedia is a compilation of facts about your subject and not the article. Your article will depend on how you handle those facts. It is a good idea to consult more than one source. Don’t start writing until you understand and process your material.

The use of too many passive verbs in your article or manuscript should be a red flag to you. This means you are just repeating information and have not internalized your subject yet allowing you to develop your own unique interpretation.

Unverified Web Sources

Don’t be sucked in by slick presentations. Investigate the authority of your sources. Never accept a Web page at face value; always check context. Click on the Home button and find out the owner of the site for further investigation if needed. Here are seven questions to ask yourself as you surf the Web.

1. Who are the author and the publisher?
2. What are their credentials?
3. How comprehensive is the coverage?
4. Is this an impartial site or one with paid links?
5. What is the original date of the information?
6. What is the historical context of the information?
7. Is the information verifiable through another reputable source?

My research for this post came from “Searching, A Research Guide for Writers” published by Writer’s Institute Publications.

Write it down,

Carma

Parents, Don't Be Sissies: Teach Your Kids to Manage Allowances

How many times do parents hear these words…“Mom, buy me a book.” or “Mom, I need money for the movies.” You give in and hand over extra money because they blew their allowance and it’s the easy way out. What are you teaching them to do? You are teaching them to spend YOUR money and that it is OK for them to spend more than they have. Take a look at these five ways to help jump start good money managing skills for you and your child.

1. Stop giving allowances. That’s harsh but what is your child or children doing to earn that allowance now? Watching TV and playing with friends? You might as well call it an endowment to your kid’s summer fund. Show your kids that allowances are actually earnings for work performed. Here’s how.

2. Determine what type of work your child is able to complete. Create a list of extra work that is unrelated to normal household responsibilities such as making the bed or feeding the dog.

3. Start Giving Allowances: But I just stopped them. Yes, I know but now you will be giving allowances to help teach your children how to manage money and learn from their own successes and failures. Instead of doling out money the “sissie” way make a list of what they will be expected to pay for. Also, pay your child on time. This teaches your children the value of honoring obligations.

4. Create a spending plan. In the past your kids’ plan was to ask you for more money. Now that they can see some savings add up, it is time to help them plan how not to spend it all at once. A small notebook will be adequate enough for the time being to write down income and expenses. Designing a spending plan can be as simple as writing a “to-do” list. If one of your child’s objectives is to go to the movies twice a week then this simple method will help them to check availability of money. When you hear the words “Mom I need money for the movies,” just ask “can you afford it?”

5. Set examples. This is by far the most important step. If your child watches you spend unwisely, he/she will tend to emulate you and believe it is OK to spend money well over your budget. Generally speaking your child will learn how to manage money through their own experience and your guidance.

Managing money is not easy and many people never learn how to turn it into a tool that will benefit the rest of their life. Schools don’t teach money management so it is left up to parents. Follow these five tips to help your child gain control over money instead of letting money control him or her. You will no longer have to take the "sissie" way out and give in to unwanted requests and you will also have a financially healthy child

To read more on how to teach kids to manage money go to Kids’ Money here and visit the Kids’ Money Store for more books.

Write it down,

Carma